Shadow Footprints

Email of the day

I received the following email. Ir arrived via the address I set up for guyprofiles, one which I cannot remember when I last used

Hi
At first I beg most respectfully and humbly to lay before you the following facts for favor of your kind and sympathetic considerations. Please, accept this letter as ' very earnest requests from a helpless boy' with your great compassion.
And now I beg your kind and positive attention. Please read thoroughly this long narrative letter ! As it is far to long that most will give up reading it before they get halfway through, you need enough time to read it !
I am a poor, needy Bangladeshi Christian gay student. I am an orphan, self dependent, age 19.
I was born in a Hindu family. My father had died in my very boyhood and I can’t remember him. My mother sent me (along my younger brother) to a Christian Orphanage. Then she went India and thus more than 10 years have passed away. She never come to us. We 2 brother brought up in the Orphanage. (In the mean time we got baptized and became Christian ; because as we were in there, we learnt Christianity and believed it. Though we never got chance to know Hindu religion, but we have a clear idea about this religion now. And so we are really proud to be Christians).
Once upon a time when my term was over, I had to leave the Orphanage; because after passing class 10, everyone has to leave that place. So then I searched for a part time job and got a tuition job as a house tutor. Then I boarded into a students' Hostel ( in where I still living ). Then I admitted into a College and been passing my life with struggle. But a year before, my younger brother had to leave that orphanage because he failed to pass the final exam of class 10. Actually from his boyhood, he is very weak physically have been suffering from various problems. So when he came to me, I fall into a great danger. I have no ability to take care him. So I went to that Orphanage, requested and wept for my brother to give an especial chance under kind consideration. At last, seeing my poverty, they agreed to help. They granted a monthly stipend and living support for my brother only for a year.
And in the last December'03, the stipend period was over and my brother becomes fully dependent on me to live !
So now I have to maintain our own livelihood. As a student I can’t work so long and can’t earn so much too. Moreover I am unable to bear all the expenses like - my study costs + Hostel seat rent + food charge + utility charges; and for my brother's study costs + house rent + food costs etc. It is not possible to maintain all the expenses because my earning is not enough for my own needs; so how can I lead 2 lives ! So now everything is going out of my control because of want of money. The most important thing in my life is ­ ‘Poverty’ ! It reigns supreme in my life now ! My life is really miserable. It seems really impossible to carry on my study career. How can we 2 brother go to school and study regular without first ensuring to earn a living, which will first feed us ?
I need more money (as equal as US $ 89) in addition with my per month's earning, for our 2 brothers together. And here is no way to earn such a lot of money on my part. I have to beg to my friends or who are familiar. Now they are totally disgusted with me too. Is it not an irony of fate that poverty became an inseparable part my life !?
I have another life, what is important and especial but secret ! Hence it is a source of great dilemma and troubles too. I am a Gay ! Yes ! But it’s an Islamic country. Gay sex is strictly prohibited here ! But alas ! I am a gay! But I have no Gay friends. Even my brother or anyone of my relatives and friends does not know about this. So I have to live a secret life because of fear of shame and hatred from the society ! If my 'gayness' is disclosed anyway, I will be attacked ! I didn't born as a Gay. But I also don't know ‘When and How’ I became a Gay ! I only know that, somehow I felt a great change about my sex feelings when I was growing adult. I think I obtained this ‘gayness’ from that Orphanage because there were only boys.
So, I am between the horns of dilemma. I have no chances to express my feelings; and I have to fight with my poverty always ! So, I have always been suffering from inferiority complexes.
I am really frustrated.
There are many people here around us who always talk to us good and seem to be very kind, but the real fact is - when there is questions about our needs, everyone turn away. They never ask about our problems. They are not eager to help us.
From my boyhood, I have been seeing that many foreigners (especially of western countries) are very kind and merciful. They are helping many orphans and needy student personally. Many of my classmates and friends have foreign sponsors. They get everything from them whatever they want. I also have been trying to get somebody as my sponsor, who will help me with great love.
I have already sent some letters to some foreigners, and waited for reply. But most of them didn't reply. Some expressed their unwillingness. But the rest were very aggressive. They attacked me with their rude words and rebuked me, with indecency. They entitled me as a shameless, fraud and greedy boy. They also accused me as an 'opportunist cheater'. Even they questioned and doubted if I had any 'evil aim or purposes'. They didn't believe me.
As I am a South Asian, I know, poor guys of this third world countries try to get asylum, immigration or financial help and benefits from the American and European countries. They do it in many ways such as - take upon many tricks, deceptions and making false stories. Nowadays it is so usual and common that the American or European people do not want to believe any guys of the third world, who beg and try to get their sympathy and help; even if anyone needs help truly, like me !
I know it is very hard to believe anyone easily. So where people are not known to each other, the question of giving and receiving is out there. And especially you and I, we don't know each other. So I am afraid to think that--you also may be angry and think me a ‘cheater’ !
I also know - if anyone is really in need of funds, most kind people would be charitable. But someone consider to help the poor only through an approved charity - who can determine what they actually need. But I do not know such men, groups or institution, especially for the poor gays, from where I can get financial sponsor.
So I don’t know if this is the proper way to express my personal purposes or not, as I am trying to get help by mailing this way ! Perhaps you are very familiar with this type of mail ! So please, don’t be bother and believe me ! I am really helpless and need help. Try to understand my situation !
I am looking for the kind American, European, NewZealand or Australian men who will love me, support me and help me always. I need financial help and hence I am looking for personal sponsors. Who will consider me as a gay friend or brother !? Would you please agree and want to know more about my life and family ? please email me. I am counting the days for the reply, something positive. Hope to hear a very loving voice...........

Robert (email: ......@yahoo.com)
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- shadowfoot,