Patron Saints
Saint Anxieté is the saint for me.
This thirteenth-century domestic servant worked for two generations of the wealthy Asap family, who were often annoyed by her. An irritable child and adolescent, a swarm of bees settled in Anxieté's mouth when she was an infant, foreshadowing her penchant for office gossip. Deeply in love with the Duke of Starbucks, Anxieté was tragically martyred at the age of 45 when trampled by a herd of cattle while chasing after the King of Fedex to hand him a package. Heartbroken by her death, the Duke put her relics on display in his small coffee shop where they were said to make people extremely stressed out & had to be subsequently removed. Her Latin name means "She who ought to take up yoga."
