Shadow Footprints

Wanderings in Virtu and Verity.

Wednesday, March 31, 2004


I joined LinkedIn today. Finally I'm part of a networking group. At least someone wants to be my friend.

Seriously, I hope it will help with my professional networking. Too often I only have contact with current and part colleagues. It's tells me Total users contactable through a trusted referral: 139 which is a good start, given that my invitation came from someone who has only just been added. This connection is limited to those who are four degrees, or less, away. There's 123 in New Zealand, and looking at the names I don't know many, yet.

Quote of the day - I shut my eyes

I shut my eyes in order to see.
-- Paul Gauguin

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Each New Thought Propels

This is me, where I am today, an ENTP

Ok. Ready? You like to chase the novel and complex. You have faith in your ability to overcome any challenges you face...highly independent...value adaptability and encourage and value change...

You need freedom for resist hierarchy and push against all odds to further your projects with your entrepreneurial can argue and find the flaws in any position...

How'm I doing so far? You rarely accept things just as they like to test new meanings and relationships..when you don't get what you want, you use your cleverness and ingenuity to bring people around to your point of view...when you choose a career, you tend to set flexible goals that allow you to incorporate new information and accommodate to new circumstances...

"Keep your options open" is your middle name... you like to explore the "road not taken." Your flexibility can look like indecision to others who don't have a clue about take advantage of realize potential of many things because of your ability to see connections and relationships between seemingly unrelated cannot be ordered around, but rather handle things best when they are *suggestions* posting more on the Storm Palace BBS you love excitement...

Competence is key to you.. you don't take advice or respect someone you don't see as want work to be're a relentless learner. Knowledge is important to use your enthusiasm to get others involved in your learn through give-and-take discussions and by questioning and challenging like challenging your teachers and colleagues...limitations are mere challenges to take initiative, and once the ball is rolling, you like to turn it over to someone else...

You like to organize logically and strategically....your work space might not look organized, but underneath it all is a system that works for you. You like to have an need a job that allows you to be innovative. you like to take risks and open calendar for the weekend is really're often "in on the latest things..." like travel, 'cause it allows you to open up new vistas and horizons (corny, huh?).

Falling in love happens when there's a good "fit" with another often know after the first meeting whether there's any "real potential"... you may not like to commit until that right person comes along...therefore you probably won't settle down don't like to lose at anything you're a born enterpriser...

Things to be on guard for: you have a great fear of looking dumb or incomp- may tend to think you have the perfect solutions for problems, and may become competitive when others challenge you... you might start to think that you're the only one who's in on the truth of things, so you might not like to listen to the input of may have the tendency to overextend yourself as you jump in on lots of ideas without considering how long it takes to work 'em through... commit to too many projects? are a rebel.. you find it difficult to accept standard operating procedures.. and hate having to follow exact rules or policies...learn to work within the system.

ENTP: "Each New Thought Propels"

In the past I've rated differently in simulated Myers Briggs personality tests, from INFP (long, long time ago) to ENFP (Sept 2000) to ENTP (today). Of course I have been rather stressed recently, so may be resisting the feeling side of things.
From Hale Online.

When I do the test on Human Metrics, I still get ENTP, but with the streagths of each broken down Extroverted 44%, Intuitive 67%, Thinking 33%, Perceiving 67%. The closer a score is to 50% means that aspect is borderline to being its counterpart; Extroversion/Introversion, Sensing/Intuition, Thinking/Feeling, Judging/Perceiving.

Careers for ENTP Personality Types

Whether you're a young adult trying to find your place in the world, or a not-so-young adult trying to find out if you're moving along the right path, it's important to understand yourself and the personality traits which will impact your likeliness to succeed or fail at various careers. It's equally important to understand what is really important to you. When armed with an understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, and an awareness of what you truly value, you are in an excellent position to pick a career which you will find rewarding.

ENTPs generally have the following traits:
  • Project-oriented
  • Enjoy generating ideas and theories
  • Creative and ingenius
  • Bright and capable
  • Flexible and Diverse
  • Excellent communication skills
  • Enjoy debating issues with other people
  • Excellent people skills
  • Natural leaders, but do not like to control people
  • Resist being controlled by people
  • Lively and energetic; able to motivate others
  • Highly value knowledge and competence
  • Logical, rational thinkers
  • Able to grasp difficult concepts and theories
  • Enjoy solving difficult problems
  • Dislike confining schedules and environments
  • Dislike routine, detailed tasks
ENTPs are fortunate in that they have a wide range of capabilities. They are generally good at anything which has captured their interest. ENTPs are likely to be successful in many different careers. Since they have a lot of options open to them, ENTPs will do well to choose professions which allow them a lot of personal freedom where they can use their creativity to generate new ideas and solve problems. They will not be completely happy in positions which are regimented or confining.

The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an ENTP. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed.

Possible Career Paths for the ENTP:
  • Lawyers
  • Psychologists
  • Entrepreneurs
  • Photographers
  • Consultants
  • Engineers
  • Scientists
  • Actors
  • Sales Representatives
  • Marketing Personnel
  • Computer Programmer, Systems Analyst, or Computer Specialist

How to Love an ENTP
  • Appreciate my perceptiveness and original insights.
  • Encourage me to spend time with people and be free to respond to spontaneous opportunities.
  • Listen to me talk about my ideas and brainstorm with me.
  • Be willing to debate and discuss ideas.
  • Try not to nag me about small things or about being too messy.
  • Above all - respect my competency and need to constantly take on new challenges.

Which Famous Homosexual Are You?

Doing it Greek style since 356 BC.How spiffing! You're Alexander the Great!

Yeah, baby. You were the King of Macedonia, and conqueror of much of the world; you're responsible for the spread of Christianity, as well as Hellenistic society and even the Roman Empire. Your power was feared for thousands of miles around.

And how gay were you. When you'd conquered Persia, you fell in love with a male courtier from that court - scandalous in those days, because the Persians were believed to be uncivilised barbarians.

You were always really in love with your boyhood friend, Hephaestion, and when he died you were grief-stricken to a legendary degree: convinced that he would live on after death, you passed away soon afterwards.

Which Famous Homosexual are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Compatiblity Test

I'm an apparently intelligent, liberal, disgustingly generous, relatively well adjusted human being!
See how compatible you are with me!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Quote of the day - Baser side of human instinct

I always hear people say that government is necessary, to restrain the baser side of human nature. It seems to me that begs some very important questions. If the rulers are human, aren't they subject to the same base instincts as the ruled? Isn't the real difference between the rulers and the subjects that the rulers have much greater opportunity to indulge their baser instincts?
-- Yoshimitsu Michiko, Cybernetic Samurai


Called in sick today, feeling lousy, cold, and an aching shoulder. Hopefully I'm not coming down with something, I'm having a barbecue and cocktails party on Saturday.

Monday, March 29, 2004

Quote of the day - Wine makes a man more pleased with himself

Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others.
-- Samuel Johnson

Patron Saints

Saint Anxieté is the saint for me.

This thirteenth-century domestic servant worked for two generations of the wealthy Asap family, who were often annoyed by her. An irritable child and adolescent, a swarm of bees settled in Anxieté's mouth when she was an infant, foreshadowing her penchant for office gossip. Deeply in love with the Duke of Starbucks, Anxieté was tragically martyred at the age of 45 when trampled by a herd of cattle while chasing after the King of Fedex to hand him a package. Heartbroken by her death, the Duke put her relics on display in his small coffee shop where they were said to make people extremely stressed out & had to be subsequently removed. Her Latin name means "She who ought to take up yoga."

Be where you are

Top Ten Things They Never Taught Me in Design School, by Michael McDonough.

  1. Talent is one-third of the success equation
  2. 95 percent of any creative profession is shit work
  3. If everything is equally important, then nothing is very important
  4. Don’t over-think a problem
  5. Start with what you know; then remove the unknowns
  6. Don’t forget your goal
  7. When you throw your weight around, you usually fall off balance
  8. The road to hell is paved with good intentions; or, no good deed goes unpunished
  9. It all comes down to output
  10. The rest of the world counts
Via Blog Fu

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Mona Lisa Smile

I saw the movie last night. It was good. I highly recommend it. Julia Roberts is not playing a bimbo does well character.

Quote of the day - Bad girl

Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets, then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again.
-- TV listing for "The Wizard of Oz" in the Marin (CA) Paper

Friday, March 26, 2004

Quote of the day - Serious conviction

The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously.
-- Nicholas Butler

Thursday, March 25, 2004

There must be music

Last night I went to the Kings Arms in Newton to see a couple of groups perform. First was Juce, followed by Paua Fritters. Until recently I was working with Geoff from Juce, and I still am working with Penny from Paua Fritters.

With Juce's performance I especially enjoyed Puketoi; and their new song, On my mind. I have both CDs from Paua Fritters and enjoyed their performance. It was good to add visuals to the music I'm familiar with.

Edit: Damned spell checker.

Quote of the day - Never tell everything at once

1. Never tell everything at once.
-- Ken Venturi

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Updating the wrong blog

I use the BlogThis! button on the Google toolbar when I'm in IE. Unfortunately it defaults to the first blog alphabetically I have, and now that I have I sometimes post there by mistake and have to move the details to Shadow Footprints. I wish it would default to the last blog used.

Cat foibles

A story about Bailey, who knows what she likes to see on TV. I'm glad my cat Jack has no interest in TV. When I was a child we had a cat who would swipe his paw at cats on TV, but quickly learned he couldn't get them. Jack does think that when I'm sitting down talking on the phone I must be talking to him, after all who else is there I could be talking to. He insists on sitting on my lap, or preferably on my chest.

Professional News Reporting, Not

I'm not the only one who expects professional news reporting from the news media.

Every morning I read the newspaper and hope to find some accurate, professional news reporting.

Every evening I watch TV in the same vain hope.

More often than not however, the result is a poorly compiled digest of pseudo-facts and misinformation.

What on earth is going on with our news media these days and has the arrival of the Net made things better or worse?

TV news has turned into a tabloid-styled collection of fast-food-sized newsbytes that are packaged so as to emphasize the sizzle and almost completely ignore the meat of the story.

"Human interest" stories and stunning revelations that Rachel Hunter has posed nude for Playboy seem to be standard fare on the all-important 6 o'clock bulletin.

"In depth" reporting consists of a few current affairs programmes that tend to allocate about 15 minutes to each very-important story and again have an inordinately strong focus on titillation rather than information.

Quote of the day - Wise passages

Have you ever observed that we pay much more attention to a wise passage when it is quoted than when we read it in the original author?
-- Philip G. Hamerton

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Quote of the day - Never regret

Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience.
-- Victoria Holt

Monday, March 22, 2004

Quote of the day - Footprints in the sands of time

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time.
-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807–1882)

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Quote of the day - A man and his oath

It is not the oath that makes us believe the man, but the man the oath.
-- Ćschylus (525-456 B. C.)

Music in the Park

Last night I was at Takahi Reserve with Lin, listening to a Dutch band, Haystax, playing covers. It was followed by The Warratahs, which is why I was there. Sam Hunt also performed. It's part of Auckland City's Free Summer Music in the Parks.

I had a 10 minute massage, the most gentle one I've ever had. That, and Sacred Hill's Pinot Gris made a very relaxing evening. Sam Hunt's performance was very entertaining. I especially enjoyed "Seven".

Friday, March 19, 2004

Union Station Bike Pilferers

A cyclist has a problem with theft.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

My Wings

AngelYou are one of the few out there whose wings are truly Angelic. Selfless, powerful, and divine, you are one blessed with a certain cosmic grace. You are unequalled in peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of Light your wings are massive and a soft white or silver. Countless feathers grace them and radiate the light within you for all the world to see. You are a defender, protector, and caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver of the wrong, chances are you are taken advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often. But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in everyone and so this mistreatment does not make you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will try to help misguided souls find themselves and peace. However not all Angelics allow themselves to be gotten the better of - the Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting for the sake of Justice and protection of those less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever change - the world needs more people like you.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

Link via Crash and Byrne.

Crimson Room

The Crimson Room is an interesting puzzle.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Monday? Then this must be San Diego

I made notes on my palm m100 while I was in the US last week, these are those notes.

Thursday 4 March

While waiting at the gate for my plane I had a girl from Surrey offer to buy my "WOOF!" cap. I would have given it to a cute guy.

Less than an hour on the plane and it's shaking quite a bit. At least I'm not flying Air New Zealand via Fiji, that flight was delayed 7 hours when I departed.

The disadvantage in flying Qantas is they serve Aussie beer!

I'm surprised the airline would show Love Actually on a plane going to the US.

Later: the bumpiness is getting worse. It's difficult to write this. I'd rather the difficulty was caused by the hot Texan (hat, belt buckle) a few rows in front of me. Nice butt in those Wrangler's. Nice bespectacled face, nice body, what a waist! Gold ring on his wedding finger, what a waste.

Still later: the young couple next to me were away from their seats for a long time. There was no queues. Perhaps they were just stretching.

Nearly in LA: the bumpiness of the flight subsided until now.

Why do aircraft have ashtrays in the toilets, and illuminated no smoking signs? Are there any airlines that still permit smoking?

There was no male air stewards in my section :-( As I was debarking my cap generated a nice reaction by a stewardess.

The disadvantage of being seated at the back of the plane is having to wait after the other passengers at immigration and customs. This was followed by a mad dash to security then to the far end of the terminal to get on a bus crossing the runway to get to my gate. This was the first time I have been paged for a flight. All my fellow passengers were settled. LAX is not a fun airport. At least my bag was able to be checked in easily, just past immigration.

Mark picked me up from the commuter terminal. After a quick trip to his place I was enjoying a nice shower after too many hours of travelling.

Mark dropped me off at Latitude 32, a bar (no website Willy?) where I surprised Karen, my future sister-in-law. She saw me out the window and thought "That guy looks a lot like Brian, so much he could be his brother" and thought no more of it until I was standing a couple of metres from her. That's what I get for doing things on the spur of the moment.

Friday 5 March

Had a really good sleep in this morning. I woke briefly at 7:30 then slept until 10:30. I have no excuse for jet lag. Rang Jon and had a good chat. With my visit being so brief he's willing to forgo the gym one day so we can meet up. Give up the Gym? I'm touched.

Walked down to Pacific Beach and had a burrito for lunch. There's a place that makes really good ones, can't recall the name, just that it's on Grand.

There's something to be said when looking for a coffee place and your eyes light up to see Starbucks. To know that coffee isn't an extra and that they can make a consistent brew. There's two people sitting inside tapping away on their laptops. It's nice they are allowed to plug into the mains power. There's also a girl working on a folder of papers, and me scribing into me palm pilot. It brings to mind eighteenth century poets in coffee shops, and the coffeehouses I found in Dublin in April of 1990.
Memo to self: The "WOOF!" cap is to be worn in straight areas. A cap highlighting New Zealand would be more effective in getting attention in gay areas. Having something that says "Tourist" can be good a times. (How can I do something that says "Cute Tourist"?)

Bought a couple of books from Obelisk. I like that shop. With the US dollar so weak right now they were so much cheaper than I can buy at home.

The guy sitting opposite me on the trolley appreciated my cap. Pity I was only going one stop and not all the way.

Saturday 6 March

On the way to Las Vegas. The snow capped San Bernardino mountains floating above the haze/smog look surreal.

Went to Buffalo tonight. It's the place where I won $US50 and a t-shirt last June in a hairy chest contest. As there was only five contestants the odds were in my favour. Pretty good result for someone who went to Vegas without gambling. I met Curtis who introduced me to the group he was with. Alas Vince wasn't interested in me, then I discovered cute Phil is Vince's husband. Also met Don and Aaron, friends from LA/Long Beach area in Vegas for Nascar.

Sunday 7 March

Watched my brother get married. He was pleased that I was able to make it there. Hey, he's my brother, what else was I going to do? Afterwards the group of us ate at Del Frisco's. The food was amazing.

On the way back from the restaurant the guys were in a taxi driven by Tasha. She was great, best taxi driver I've met.

Buffalo was quiet so I checked out Gipsy over the road. It was humming. Wisconsin sweater boy was cute, but alas he appears to be a rice queen. The bus boy was hot, shirtless with a variety of tattoos, and a nice sprinkling of hair on his chest. Chicago boy was hot too. He was dancing on the stage and picked an ice cube out of his drink and threw it at me. Alas he throws like a gayboy and meant to get someone else's attention.

Monday 8 March

LAS is efficient. Grabbed my electronic boarding pass and went through security fast. I had to go through the foreign nationals queue which was a lot faster as there was a lot less of us. The flight back to San Diego was so much better than the drive I did with my brother last year.

We were back in time to see Mark and his dog Hogan on TV.

I had a nap in the afternoon. I must be getting old. In the past I could get in at seven in the morning and after a couple of hours sleep I could face the day fine.

Tuesday 9 March

My calf muscles are sore so I decided to walk down the hill to stretch them instead of accepting a ride down. It's nearly noon and I am just sipping my breakfast coffee at Zanzibar Coffee Bar on Garnet Avenue in Pacific Beach. There is a lot of art on the wall and I like several by Vanessa (can anyone find me a link?), especially the redhead in theater face paint (fr?); and moonlit lady holding an apple. Unfortunately no paintings of men though. Nice ambient music too.

This is a good place for cyclists. Pity too many think they are safer on the sidewalk than on the road. Going by the one who nearly hit me while his attention was across the street maybe they are safer; pedestrians can jump out of the way faster.

Aargh! I just had a woman sit at the bus stop beside me and ask me if she could give me something about the bible to read (Watchtower). Now why would she think someone playing with his phone would want to do that?

While I was writing the above entry a nicely dressed pan-handler asked for fifty cents. The land of the free huh? I don't see the like back home. Buskers would be the closest. I really appreciated the buskers in the London Underground when I did me OE years ago. Some days I just hated the crowds, felt claustrophobic. The buskers music 'would soothe me.

I like PB. The weather is nice and there's quite a few shirtless hunks walking about, even in March (early spring). I do recall even more in summer.

Did a bit of shopping. It's so tempting with the US dollar so weak. A pair of 501s for half the price I'd pay at home, books for 60%.

Wednesday 10 March

This place is so cash based. I'm not used to carrying more than $NZ20 but here I need cash for tips.

Jon picked me up in his bright yellow truck. We ate lunch at Pacific Beach Bar and Grill. He had a few errands to do in North Park so dropped me off in Hillcrest. I was going to wander around, window shopping. I saw the Brass Rail and called in for a drink. Scott is an excellent barman and I stayed for an enjoyable afternoon. Jon picked me up from there and we went to Brians' American Eatery, a diner near Hillcrest, for dinner.

Back in PB after a nice relaxing day.

Thursday 11 March

I'm currently watching a train go past. I saw a pedestrian quickly across the tracks and figured I wasn't in that much of a hurry. I failed to consider how long the freight train and how much time it might take to pass by.

"Do you know if The Last Samurai came out on video?" That's the question I was asked in the restroom of Nordstrom in Horton Plaza. Is that a new code?

Friday 12 March

Just killing time at the airport. I think someone has quite a bit of cheek to be collecting donations for US homeless in this terminal. I'm in the international terminal and he's hoping to get money from foreigners for the people who have fallen through the cracks in US society. Through taxes at home I've paid for those in my society, where everyone can be housed. I am aware that it isn't just foreigners departing from here, and that a few of the travellers could be Americans who give change to pan-handlers, but society would be better if those people found a more effective way to salve their consciences.

Five bucks for a beer?! Outrageous, unless the workers here a paid a living wage instead of minimum wage. I was talking to a barman a few days ago (I have no idea how many bars I've been in recently). He said a lot of patrons are abusing the tipping system. He is taxed on, if I recall correctly, 8% of the till takings.

I take back what I said about the nightmare of LAX security. There was two lines of security; one busy, with X-ray machine; and one empty, with no scanner. I asked the lady at the empty one what the difference was. She explained how the other was for checked bags, and as I had my boarding pass I could just go forward. When I got around the corner I found the scanners I had been expecting. My wait would have been under ten seconds.

I've just finished the book I brought with me. (I do have another.) It was Startide Rising, by David Brin. I wish I'd read it sooner. It's good.

Having said nice things about security I should say that the PA has advises passengers on another flight to go through security as the lines are long.

Oh No! I'm on the plane now and there is a baby in the row in front of me. It's in a seat like a baby-seat in a car. The seat in front of it is prevented from reclining. This does not prevent the mother and grandmother from putting her's all the way back. Another person for

I picked up a copy of the premiere issue of Cargo "The New Buyers Guide For Men". I like this magazine. I hope it gets an international distribution.

Saturday 13 March

Saturday? Not for me, I'm crossing over the dateline during nighttime.

Sunday 14 March

I followed Karla's suggestion and awoke early yesterday (Friday). I was sleepy enough to doze through two films I wanted to see. I was awake to watch one properly; School of Rock, starring Jack Black. I first saw him in High Fidelity. Both worth seeing.

Landed about 6am, had a light but busy day and went to bed just after 8pm to get over any jet lag. It was fun but I wouldn't call it a vacation.

Monday, March 15, 2004

Quote of the day - Getting there is half the fun

The saying Getting there is half the fun became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.
-- Henry J. Tillman

Back home

I'm back in New Zealand again, after a tiring week-and-a-half in San Diego, Las Vagas, and LA Airport. Blogging will recommence soon. I made notes in my Palm M100 while away, so I can remember what I was doing on each day. I have a lot to reading to catch up on, both blogs and emails (mainly mailing list stuff).

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Quote of the day - Rationality

Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality.
-- Bertrand Russell

Up, up and away

I'm going on vacation for just over a week, so blogging might be sporadic (or I might see how addicted to it I am). My flatmate will have the run of the house but I'm not expecting too many wild parties. I'll be in San Diego with a brief visit to Las Vegas. I like Vegas. I was there last year for two days. I didn't gamble a penny but still managed to win fifty bucks. I can't see me getting time to do that this visit.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Subtly Simpsons

Subtly Simpsons explains the things you probably didn't notice while watching The Simpsons. Some brilliant quotes here.

Quote of the day - Painting the Sistine Chapel

If Michelangelo were a heterosexual, the Sistine Chapel would have been painted basic white and with a roller.
-- Rita Mae Brown

Loosely Based

You're Loosely Based by Storey Clayton.

While most people haven't heard of you, you're a really good and interesting person. Rather clever and witty, you crack a lot of jokes about the world around you. You do have a serious side, however, where your interest covers the homeless and the inequalities of society. You're good at bringing people together, but they keep asking you what your name means.

Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Email of the day

I received the following email. Ir arrived via the address I set up for guyprofiles, one which I cannot remember when I last used

At first I beg most respectfully and humbly to lay before you the following facts for favor of your kind and sympathetic considerations. Please, accept this letter as ' very earnest requests from a helpless boy' with your great compassion.
And now I beg your kind and positive attention. Please read thoroughly this long narrative letter ! As it is far to long that most will give up reading it before they get halfway through, you need enough time to read it !
I am a poor, needy Bangladeshi Christian gay student. I am an orphan, self dependent, age 19.
I was born in a Hindu family. My father had died in my very boyhood and I can’t remember him. My mother sent me (along my younger brother) to a Christian Orphanage. Then she went India and thus more than 10 years have passed away. She never come to us. We 2 brother brought up in the Orphanage. (In the mean time we got baptized and became Christian ; because as we were in there, we learnt Christianity and believed it. Though we never got chance to know Hindu religion, but we have a clear idea about this religion now. And so we are really proud to be Christians).
Once upon a time when my term was over, I had to leave the Orphanage; because after passing class 10, everyone has to leave that place. So then I searched for a part time job and got a tuition job as a house tutor. Then I boarded into a students' Hostel ( in where I still living ). Then I admitted into a College and been passing my life with struggle. But a year before, my younger brother had to leave that orphanage because he failed to pass the final exam of class 10. Actually from his boyhood, he is very weak physically have been suffering from various problems. So when he came to me, I fall into a great danger. I have no ability to take care him. So I went to that Orphanage, requested and wept for my brother to give an especial chance under kind consideration. At last, seeing my poverty, they agreed to help. They granted a monthly stipend and living support for my brother only for a year.
And in the last December'03, the stipend period was over and my brother becomes fully dependent on me to live !
So now I have to maintain our own livelihood. As a student I can’t work so long and can’t earn so much too. Moreover I am unable to bear all the expenses like - my study costs + Hostel seat rent + food charge + utility charges; and for my brother's study costs + house rent + food costs etc. It is not possible to maintain all the expenses because my earning is not enough for my own needs; so how can I lead 2 lives ! So now everything is going out of my control because of want of money. The most important thing in my life is ­ ‘Poverty’ ! It reigns supreme in my life now ! My life is really miserable. It seems really impossible to carry on my study career. How can we 2 brother go to school and study regular without first ensuring to earn a living, which will first feed us ?
I need more money (as equal as US $ 89) in addition with my per month's earning, for our 2 brothers together. And here is no way to earn such a lot of money on my part. I have to beg to my friends or who are familiar. Now they are totally disgusted with me too. Is it not an irony of fate that poverty became an inseparable part my life !?
I have another life, what is important and especial but secret ! Hence it is a source of great dilemma and troubles too. I am a Gay ! Yes ! But it’s an Islamic country. Gay sex is strictly prohibited here ! But alas ! I am a gay! But I have no Gay friends. Even my brother or anyone of my relatives and friends does not know about this. So I have to live a secret life because of fear of shame and hatred from the society ! If my 'gayness' is disclosed anyway, I will be attacked ! I didn't born as a Gay. But I also don't know ‘When and How’ I became a Gay ! I only know that, somehow I felt a great change about my sex feelings when I was growing adult. I think I obtained this ‘gayness’ from that Orphanage because there were only boys.
So, I am between the horns of dilemma. I have no chances to express my feelings; and I have to fight with my poverty always ! So, I have always been suffering from inferiority complexes.
I am really frustrated.
There are many people here around us who always talk to us good and seem to be very kind, but the real fact is - when there is questions about our needs, everyone turn away. They never ask about our problems. They are not eager to help us.
From my boyhood, I have been seeing that many foreigners (especially of western countries) are very kind and merciful. They are helping many orphans and needy student personally. Many of my classmates and friends have foreign sponsors. They get everything from them whatever they want. I also have been trying to get somebody as my sponsor, who will help me with great love.
I have already sent some letters to some foreigners, and waited for reply. But most of them didn't reply. Some expressed their unwillingness. But the rest were very aggressive. They attacked me with their rude words and rebuked me, with indecency. They entitled me as a shameless, fraud and greedy boy. They also accused me as an 'opportunist cheater'. Even they questioned and doubted if I had any 'evil aim or purposes'. They didn't believe me.
As I am a South Asian, I know, poor guys of this third world countries try to get asylum, immigration or financial help and benefits from the American and European countries. They do it in many ways such as - take upon many tricks, deceptions and making false stories. Nowadays it is so usual and common that the American or European people do not want to believe any guys of the third world, who beg and try to get their sympathy and help; even if anyone needs help truly, like me !
I know it is very hard to believe anyone easily. So where people are not known to each other, the question of giving and receiving is out there. And especially you and I, we don't know each other. So I am afraid to think that--you also may be angry and think me a ‘cheater’ !
I also know - if anyone is really in need of funds, most kind people would be charitable. But someone consider to help the poor only through an approved charity - who can determine what they actually need. But I do not know such men, groups or institution, especially for the poor gays, from where I can get financial sponsor.
So I don’t know if this is the proper way to express my personal purposes or not, as I am trying to get help by mailing this way ! Perhaps you are very familiar with this type of mail ! So please, don’t be bother and believe me ! I am really helpless and need help. Try to understand my situation !
I am looking for the kind American, European, NewZealand or Australian men who will love me, support me and help me always. I need financial help and hence I am looking for personal sponsors. Who will consider me as a gay friend or brother !? Would you please agree and want to know more about my life and family ? please email me. I am counting the days for the reply, something positive. Hope to hear a very loving voice...........

Robert (email:
[( if it is very hard to read, then please, just copy it and paste on a new document increasing by the font size to read easily )]

I've obscured the email address on the chance this is genuine. Havign done so I googled and found he's sent the same things to gayuniverse and a couple of other sites. Cynical? Me? Never!

Just an idea

In a letter to the editor of Magic City News

After careful consideration of this issue, I have concluded that those who oppose gay marriage should probably not marry someone of the same sex. Just an idea.

Monday, March 01, 2004

Quote of the day - Describing things

If you describe things as better than they are, you are considered to be a romantic; if you describe things as worse than they are, you will be called a realist; and if you describe things exactly as they are, you will be thought of as a satirist.
-- Quentin Crisp


Can someone please explain this to me?

There's about 5 levels.

Amending the US Constitution

If one looks at the only amendment of the US Constitution that restricted individuals rights, we can expect a decade of illegal gay smuggling and increasingly organized homosexual crime...

From kuro5hin