Shadow Footprints

I realised many years ago that I would never find a person who could meet all my needs, and I'm meaning mental stimulation as well as physical interests.

Looking at the five guys I've fallen for they were all very different.

• M dropped out of school early. He had anxiety issues, with regular therapy to deal with them. His interest in tennis was great and his knowledge of world class competitions let him be a contestant for Mastermind, yet he thought I was smart.
• En was practical, he could create things. He brought me down to earth. One of the happiest I felt with him was when we were house-sitting, he was cooking and I was finishing an assignment.
• A made me feel alive. He understood some of the things I had to do, to be myself, but encouraged me to break some of my bounds.
• D let me have fun doing my things, and doing them with me. He is also very patient. He reads between the lines and for his support I am grateful.
• B engaged my mind. He understood some of the tangents my thoughts would go off to, and would reel me in at times. He also introduced me to some great people. He helped me break some of my limits.

Many of my friends are very different too. Some I carefully don't mix. They each fill a need in my life, making me a complete person. I throw one or two parties a year, and my friends get to see each other. Generally I find I prefer to spend one-on-one time with each of them.

I wonder what it would be like to meet a guy who was all things for me, someone who wanted to do the fun things I wanted to do, someone who understood the tangents I'd go off on, someone who could be a kid with me, yet also bring me down to earth, someone who enjoyed playing the games I like to play, someone who laughs with me, and makes me laugh. My thoughts and interests are possibly the hardest thing to match.

I know I won't find someone who could do all that, and I'm very happy when I'm reading quietly while my guy is doing his thing, or we're watching something together (especially if he falls asleep in my arms).

I'm happy if my guy goes off and does his thing, whether it is dancing all night while I stood on the sidelines, or playing badminton, or watch tennis, or goes clubbing with his mates, or does his gardening, or performs in a drag show, or goes to furniture restoration classes at night school. I also think it is important for him to do the things that he wants to do, and I always supported that and gave each of them the space to do it without me trying to slow them down.

With my friends I know I cannot be the fun guy that is always right for them, that is always doing there to do with them the things they want to do, whether is is playing computer games or going clubbing. I don't even try to be all the time, just sometimes. All I can do is be me and hope they realise that what I have to offer, along with their friends, makes up the complete package they want in life.

Until then I'll be looking for the guy who has interests that mesh with mine; who doesn't have to feel he has to understand my interests, yet supports me in what I do; who understands I give him space to spend time with friends that fulfil the interests I can't; who likes my friendships enough to let me have them; who likes me supporting him; who is willing to tell me I'm talking nonsense, especially when I'm analysing things. Oh yeah, he should also be very hot and drive me to distraction by just being there.