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Health question and Answer Session

Categories: Humour

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Grass and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a kebab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. What do body builders do to get those enormous muscles? You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ... Cocoa beans ... healthy pulses!!! It is the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Remember, "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Chardonnay in one hand and strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out,and screaming: WOO HOO! What a Ride!"

By Brian Logan   Tue 19-Jul-2005

1 comment

Comment from: vitamin_k [Visitor]
vitamin_k

OMG stolen!!!! ;)

Tue 19-Jul-2005 @ 15:58


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